Not a happy feeling....

Hi friends. I went in for my checkup again on Saturday to check on my follicles. I was super excited for the appointment with the hope that my smaller follicles have reached the desired size. Dr Helena scanned me and it was disappointing that they refused to grow. She was quite shocked it did not grow. My numbers were low. She told us that those small ones who don’t grow indicate it is not a good follicle. My heart sank. All the excitement flew off the window. Earlier, she estimated my egg retrieval would be on Tuesday but since my follicles were not up to par, my Puregon injections dosage was reduced to 150 IU and I will have to continue Orgalutran as well hoping there would be some positive changes. We will have another appointment on Monday. I was briefed on the injections by Nurse N. We paid the remaining RM5000. Completed IVF payment. We went back to our hometown since the election was next day. I totally shut down during our travel. Tears rolled down. I was so quite. My husband realized that I was quiet all the way. He tried to console me. I was just quiet throughout the journey. I was much better when I reached home. We voted yesterday. I did not think about my follicles after that.

I had my Orgalutran injection 4.30am today. Very early right? We have no choice since we were travelling far and we had to jap earlier. I was not so worried today. I just hope I had better numbers today. The clinic was closed today. The Drs were in to scan some patients. Dr Helena scanned me...... and NO good news. She was quite disappointed with the small follicles. I have very few follicles. Around 6 and 1 was too big. She said usually it will not contain any eggs. She expected more follicles from my ovaries. My husband asked her how many follicles one should have. Dr said that they would prefer 8 to 10 follicles. Those numbers have more pregnancy chances. My heart shattered in bits. I was so sad and I tried to hold it together. Dr was so surprised my numbers were low since my tests results were great. She never thought I would have any problem with the numbers. She was like not to lose hope and all. My eyes were already collecting tears. I was just hoping it will not drop. She was explaining the IVF procedure and looking at me. She realized my eyes were flooding already. She advised me not to worry and IVF is a stressful journey. Dr was like she is going to cry anytime and yes I was.....Tears rolled down my cheeks. I quickly wiped it off. Dr felt bad for me. She handed me a box of tissue. She told me 2 stories while I was wiping, wiping and wiping. One of it was her best friend who had 4 IVFs and the last one she was successful. She did not lose hope. The other was a lady who only had 4 eggs and had delivered twins. She was advising me not to lose hope and not to be stressed. So was my husband. She added that we will not know the number of eggs till the collection day. She said she expect 6 to 7. I think she was just being nice to tell that number. I have to wait and see for Wednesday. 

I was asked to go to 3rd floor to do my progesterone blood test. After that, Level 5 to sign in some forms for my Wednesday procedure. I went back to the clinic to collect my Ovidrel injection. This injection is supposed to be done at 8.30 pm today. We must be exact on the timing. This was to release the mature eggs. I was waiting for my turn with a soared eye due to the tears and reddish nose. I have that whenever I cry. Nurse N called me in. She asked me if I was having flu. I said no. Then she was like were you crying? Oh my....My tears came down again. She got shocked. She said u cool down first then we discuss...I was like its ok. She looked at me, she looked at my husband...She probably thought my husband and I had a fight. My husband told her I was sad because I have 6 follicles only. She was like just staring at him and she said OK??? My husband continued Dr said it was low. She was like it only takes 1 embryo. Don't worry. She said she thought maybe I was sad because of the election news since she saw my colored finger. I was crying and laughing to hear that. So sweet of her. She advised me not to worry and get stressed. All will be good. She told me to come in 7.30am on Wednesday. My procedure would be 8.30am. My husband was asked to provide his sperm on the day as well. She explained on the injection and we were done. We left the clinic, paid the parking ticket and got a call from the clinic. They forgot to give me a paper. She asked me to wait at the lobby. As we were waiting, Dr Prashant came out from the lift. I did not realize it was him at first due to my brain had so many confusions going on. He looked at me. "Are you (my name)? I was shocked. I was "Yes". Then only I realized who I was talking to. He told me that the girls were finding for me. I told him that I received the call. He asked me if my schedule was on Wednesday. I was Yes...I hardly could talk. The Dr was looking at me only. He probably would have guessed that I was crying. My husband told him I was sad because of 6 follicles. He asked Dr if it was OK. He said it is since you are young. I told him I was 31. He said it is OK. The nurse came to give me the papers. As the nurse was talking to me, Dr Prashant lift came. He got into the lift and told me "See you on Wednesday". 

I was so embarrassed to be crying. Just could not hold it together although I thought I would be able to. Again I was crying and quiet throughout my journey. Pity my husband. I reached home around 1 pm. I am better now. I just hope now that all my follicles contain eggs and they get fertilized and form a baby and I can hold him/her on my arms very soon. Looking at my numbers, I really do not mind if I don't have any eggs to freeze. I just hope there is a healthy baby by January 2014.